A miraculous second coming

Steve Martin and Amar Upadhyay have one thing in common. They were both dropped on the audience from outerspace. Martin came down on the 73rd Annual Academy awards function after he was ejected from a space ship. Amar who plays Mihir in Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi was dropped on audiences even more suddenly. One minute he was gone. The next minute was back in a hospital in Delhi with doctor Mandira Bedi bustling around in a ponytail shouting ‘It’s a miracle. It’s a bloody miracle,’ about Mihir’s resurrection, as though she had seen the Second Coming. Nothing ‘bloody’ about this rebirth, Mandira. Unlike the normal deliveries, Mihir’s return from the dead was painless, bloodless and noiseless. The last five minutes of the historic resurrectional episode was shot with extraordinary slickness with the camera panning and zooming with supersonic alacrity.

Producer Ekta Kapoor asked her director-buddy Anurag Bose(who’s going to soon make a film for Ekta’s company starring her brother Tusshar) to help out with Mihir’s comeback. In the meanwhile Daksha chachi has been hallucinating about being a contestant on Kaun Banega Crorepati. Minutes before Mihir returned the lady was seen doing ‘aarti’ to a photograph of the Big B. Maybe that did the trick for Mihir. But a bigger miracle than Mihir’s return from the dead was the bowl of fresh fruits that was placed strategically next to Mihir’s hospital bed while his fingers stirred after eight-and-a-half months. Was Mihir feeding on those luscious apples and bananas while he was unconscious? While we await an answer to this crucial question on Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, Daksha chachi will have to wait her turn on KBC.

Currently the Big B is busy with the kiddies who scream, pull at his clothes, kiss his cheeks and make their presence felt. But does our dost- host get ruffled for even a second? Not in the least! Mr Bachchan is beyond distractions. Seeing him being so good with the children I always think of him in the film Natwarlal singing Mere paas aao mere doston ek kissa suno.

A kissa of another kind unfolded at the Oscars ceremonies, beamed to us live last Monday morning. Host Steve Martin was so funny, we could see Julia Roberts choking with delight in the audience. Maybe she was afraid she would be denied the Oscar if she didn’t laugh at the host’s abrasive jokes. Russel Crowe was beyond caring. When Martin made a nasty crack about Crowe ‘hitting’ on Oscar nominee Ellen Burstyn, Crowe simply raised an eyebrow and smirked. And he still got the Oscar! Some of Martin’s cracks were ‘prize-less’. Looking at Tom Hanks who sat expectantly with his wife Rita Wilson, the emcee quipped, “If Tom wins tonight, between Tom and myself we’ll have three Oscars.” And picking on Charlton Heston, Steve Marin chortled. “Be careful what you say to him because he thinks he’s in Gladiator.”
Of course Heston has Ben-Hur before. We all had. And it was fun, dazzling, amazing and astonishing. Some of the razzmatazz was predictable. But the moments’ glory like the montage from a past ceremony when a streaker shocked everyone by passing by on stage while David Niven was playing host - made the five hours seem like ‘won’.

Zee’s Aanchal Ki Chaon Mein is serious about being the small screen’s Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. Last week a guy whom the Aishwarya clone Radhika’s parents have chosen to be her husband, showed up to meet Radhika. And guess what? He was as dusky as Ajay Devgan! Our boobtube Rai didn’t waste time in telling the portable Devgan that she has already got a miniature Salman in her life. All we now need is a real-life romance between the two performers who play Radhika and Sandeep. But they look like they are just out of nursery school.

Speaking of nursery schools, here’s one for the kids. It’s called Sone Pari. And it’s got so many special effects it makes Gladiators look inadequate in comparison. All right, that’s an exaggeration. But the wonder-eyed direction(by Bhooshan Patel) and a girl called Fruity who features in a double role, make sure that we don’t miss Gladiators or ET while watching Sone Pari. In a swift switchover of image, the actor who plays Kanwaljeet’s whiskey-guzzling jovial Jeejaji in Saans is cast in Sone Pari as a genie in a bottle. Perhaps that’s what happens to people who drink excessively. They finally drown in the bottle.

Last week he emerged from his sleeping place to raid Shashikala’s refrigerator. All she saw was a plate being removed from the fridge and a pastry vanishing from it piece by piece. Whether the old lady objected to the mysterious disappearance of her food or to the forces behind the weird occurrence, we couldn’t say. With Shashikala, we never could tell whether she was alarmed or angry.

Chalk up another winner for Vir Sanghvi on his celeb chatathon Star Talk. Last Sunday he got the super-exclusive Raakhee to make her first-ever appearance on television. The enigmatic enchantress was relaxed, happy and in the mood to talk about her life. Beginning with her childhood when she explained why she was named Raakhee to her battle with the bottle, the actress spoke about her life, her marriage, motherhood and the loneliness that often accompanies a woman’s journey beyond motherhood, with brutal honesty. Some of our major stars who appear on talk shows in a confessional mode, only to lie through their decalcified teeth, ought to learn a lesson from Raakhee’s candid conversation with Star Talk.

On the eve of the Oscars, Shekhar Kapur was called on Star News to make predictions about the winners. He seemed pretty dead-on with his announcements about Julia Roberts and Russel Crowe. Shekhar said he preferred Traffic. While his Bandit Queen producer Bobby Bedi spoke on why songs and dances hampered Indian cinema’s chances abroad. Curiously this pre-Oscar analysis took place on the Hindi news. Are we as a nation so fixated on firangi glamour? How come such pre-awards predictions don’t happen before the desi awards?

Subhash K Jha