Face off

MENAKA JAYASANKAR
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Today she's as well-known as the celebrities she shoots. Yet photographer Meenal Agarwal was initially determined not to turn professional.

``It took me two years to decide,'' says this mass communications post-graduate from Sophia Polytechnic, ``I was afraid that the pressure to earn my bread and butter would kill it''. After freelancing for a while, Agarwal joined Mid-Day in '93. ``It was like constant riyaaz throughout the day, you learn to work fast on your feet. It was both nerve-wracking and the ultimate high,'' she recalls.

In two years, however, she was ready to move on.
``I wanted to learn more, do portraits, work with lights,'' she explains. But she wanted to avoid advertising, as ``everything is dictated. There's no freedom to work on one's own concepts. I don't mind commissioned work, as long as I have some sort of ownership''.

Soon, projects started pouring in.
Assignments with Verve were exciting as ``the magazine had production value and could afford to hire studios from me''. She has worked with artist Pushpamala and has participated in various international exhibitions.

``Initially, I would try and emulate the greats,'' she admits, ``But, now, the struggle is to come up with something original, something true to my own sense of aesthetics''.

And then the celeb-brigade was queuing up for portfolios too.
Agarwal admits it's easy shooting camera-savvy folks, besides ``some like Ruby (Bhatia) and Javed (Jaffrey) are such fun, I don't have to do much work''. There's a distinct change of attitude too: from cynical journalist to appreciative photographer. ``While shooting Shah Rukh, for the first four days I was frustrated by all those surrounding him till suddenly I was awe-struck!'' she recalls about one of her longest portrait-assignments, ``They're often so generous, you simply can't be dismissive''.

In fact, the relationship with her subjects has gradually changed.
``As a journalist you have to desensitise yourself and be almost ruthless. Now I realise they are doing me a favour,'' feels this photographer, who often stops to chat with her subjects on the street. As for portfolios, she first turns up without a camera, to get to know the person better. ``I want them to love themselves in the photograph, without a feeling of: `that's not me'. It's possible to keep their dignity without compromising on my integrity,'' she insists.

It was this belief that lead to her photo-feature on female-nudes for Man's World a few months ago.
``I'd been fascinated with the idea of `Women in Bed', especially as they are usually treated as objects for male gaze,'' Agarwal explains. As it was the first time that she was working on nudes, she only approached women comfortable before the camera. ``I would ask different men and women whom they would like to see in bed and had dozens of lists,'' she says. This was eventually narrowed down to a few women like Sophia Haque, Helen Brodie, Mita Vashisht.

The three-month project was no easy task.
``I met them a few time in their homes to see where they were comfortable. I wanted them to forget their inhibitions, so I could capture that child-like ease and exuberance,'' she elaborates, ``At each shoot, it was just both of us -- no assistants. They were so co-operative and trusting. My greatest fear was to not fall into the exploitative trap. The final `okay' was always theirs''.

And no, she wasn't afraid of the moral brigade.
``It didn't even cross my mind, till Helen brought it up. This project wasn't commercial in any way, besides I don't think they read such magazines'' she shrugs. While she protests at how the cultural police believe in dictating terms, she also feels Mumbai hasn't woken up to photography as an art-form. ``There's very little gallery space and not many people buy photography either,'' she feels, ``When you see photo-auctions abroad, it seems like another world''.

Of course, it doesn't end here.
``I want to build upon this and photograph more women ordinary people, friends, family so I can explore different relationships. This project still haunts me and I may even turn it into an exhibition, two years down the line''. As for men, most of her short-portfolios are male and she's slowly "warming up" to the idea of male nudes. ``It's much easier to empathise with women.

But I've begun to find male bodies intriguing,'' she says, ``I've no concrete plans yet... maybe when I'm older and more mature!'' Agarwal is also keen on capturing the sociological and attitudinal changes in the city's middle class. ``On one hand, I want to work on portraiture and stylisation,'' she explains, ``Yet such documentary work will help me keep my feet on the ground''.

How does she cope with a creative block?
"There's a feeling of desperation. After struggling right through the day, you know it's just not working out,'' she sighs, ``When you go through a long phase, you feel like throwing it all up. But you learn to live with it. And the `highs' make it worth all this''.

Has she ever attempted self-portraits?
Never, insists Agarwal, who like most photographers, is terribly uncomfortable in front of the lens. But to experience it, she once asked a friend to shoot her at a studio. ``He tried to make me look pretty,'' she protests, saying it taught her to respect subjects for themselves. ``It is not perfection, but faults, that make people interesting,'' she emphasises, ``I don't agree with this plastic beauty you see in magazines today with all the blemishes `cleaned up'.''

What about family?
Agarwal enjoys clicking three-year-old daughter Rabiya and often shoots stills for husband Rajat Kapoor's plays and films. ``But we both enjoy our independent spaces and would probably crack up if we worked on a project together,'' she laughs.

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