On television, Kader can’t

Kader Khan’s new serial is called Hasna Mat. And guess what? We don’t really feel like laughing when his blunt morality tale is on. A man of such illimitable talents Kader Khan’s style seems to be cramped by the shrunken space that the television screen affords. Not every film actor can re-adjust his personality in accordance with the size of screen, Amitabh Bachchan can. Kader Khan can’t. It’s as simple that.

Last week’s episode was about a lech called Manohar (played lecherously by Kaderbhai) who flirts till it hurts with anything in skirts. Wife Anjana Mumtaz sulks, then ‘packs’ her obviously-vacant suitcase and leaves. Manohar rejoices. “Good riddance, now I can fool around to my heart’s content.”

Enter Sudha Chandran who’s gone from glycerine to giggles without a hiccup. She’s the wife’s Saheli and she teaches Manohar the lesson of his life by pretending to be his wife. The presentation smacked of silliness rather than satire. Come on, we expect a better laugh-fest from Kader Khan than this. And what’s this plug-and-push about this being Kader Khan’s first appearance on television? He has already done a soap on DD2 where he was cast in the double role of a father and son.

Ajai Sinha’s Samay has taken over the same slot on Tuesday night that his extremely popular Hasratein once occupied. Interestingly, Hasratein has made a comeback on Zee as a daily afternooner even as Star’s star attraction on adultery Saans has begun to tell its tale from scratch every weekday. Samay certainly fits into a more commodious scheme of the homeviewing cosmos than Hasratein. Its preoccupations are more urbane and immediate. The dialogues are cuttingly real. When a boy who’s a product of a broken marriage hears his father philosophise on his estranged wife he cuts him short, “Oh cut it out, Dad. No one is going to give you an Oscar for dialogues.”

Well, why don’t they just ‘Oscar’ if she’s impressed? And by the way it’s good to see Anang Desai in the role of the large-hearted Mausaji in Samay. He’s been playing the slit eyed entrepreneur in too many serials. Even in Chattan which has returned as a nightly thrill-provider, so goodbye Aangan, hello Chattan) features Desai as the sourpuss money maker. Talk about typecasting on television!In the same director’s Kasak Anang Desai is out to destroy business rival Suresh Oberoi. For some baffling reasons, the Oberoi character who’s otherwise completely devoted to his wife, is suddenly having a little fling on the side. Now why on earth would any sane mature well-settled man with two grown-up sons betray Sharmila Tagore to have an affair with Grusha Kapoor, specially since Ms. Kapoor treats him worse than a doormat?

Last week Ms. Kapoor threw a Catch-50 question at her aging lover. Whom does he love the most in the world? “I love my wife the most,” sighed Oberoi. The over-sized Lolita saw red. “Then what are you doing here? Go back to her,” Grusha Kapoor screamed pushing the tycoon bodily out of her apartment. Has she been studying Smita Patil in Arth closely or what?

Star Plus’ Saher is of antidotal value. It’s relatively more subtle in its suggestions and hints of life’s vicissitudes than the other high-voltage soaps. The performances by all four ladies Dina Pathak, Surekha Sikri, Seema Bhargava and Nikki Aneja - are among the best we’ve seen on television. In last week’s episode when Sudha (Bhargava) ended up in hospital with a broken skull and an aborted baby, the director could have easily pulled out all stops. Instead, he made remarkably poised use of the melodramatic content, recording the responses of various characters to the accident with detached empathy. Sudha’s primeval screams of anguish when she realises she has lost her baby filled the air like bits and pieces of life dangling nervously from a thread. If Saher hasn’t picked up the ratings then whose loss is it anyway?

Nana Patekar suddenly emerged from hiding on Star News’ Limelight to speak to us about his stage appearance in Purush. After telling us why he has stayed away from films in recent times (“I won’t be happy doing the same roles in films”) the conversation moved to a sticky wicket. Host Sunil Sethi brought up the subject of political pressures in Mumbai. Sethi insisted that Patekar spell out the forces which are destroying the fabric and foundation of a free society in Mumbai. But Nana bit his blunt tongue and got into prevarications. All he would admit is that he felt “suffocated” in Mumbai. And then when the time was over he shuffled defiantly in his chair and confessed that he would have liked to talk a lot more if only he had been given the time. How typical of a celluloid hero to reveal feet of clay when put on an electronic pedestal.

Channel V got seriously voyeuristic last week when it did a whole segment on Oye on kissing! The footage, as we can well imagine, was lipsmacking. Full marks to the Oye editor for digging up the dirt on the smoochy subject. We never knew Hindi cinema had such a hoary history of lip worship. Views were also solicited from the G editor Bhawna Somaya and Sonu Walia both of whom opined that it was far less vulgar to kiss outright than to have the lewd pair rolling, rubbing, petting and caressing body parts. In fact Ms. Somaya said, since the boys are young and the girls are lovely in our films, the kiss cannot be given the miss any longer. In spite of the salacious footage I think BPL Oye made its point pretty well that evening. More so since the highly aesthetic kiss in Dhadkan has been snipped off in this day an age of sexual frankness.

Have you given yourself the supreme privilege of watching Sajid Khan in Zee’s dance contest Footloose? If you haven’t then you have missed a chance to watch a programme funnier than the sitcoms. Sajid Khan is flanked by two nubile nymphets who shake their ifs and butts with cyclonic vigour while in the foreground youngsters show their dancing skills in front of the judge. Last week, the judge was Pooja Batra who tried to look involved and interested. But her “responses” seemed so strained that I wondered if her judgmental powers were recorded separately. That’s what is known as doctored dancing. On Sony’s Boogie Woogie they never do that.

Subhash K Jha