These stars of yesteryear have had plenty of choice: From the first tentative steps in dance shows like Nach Baliye or Jhalak Dikhla Jaa and comic turns in Comedy Circus, it has been onward forward to the do-and-dare variety of Khatron Ke Khiladi or Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao. Once physically exhausted by such exertion, there’s a chance to lie back and behave badly on Bigg Boss.

Now NDTV Imagine has found a new way to (pre)occupy them with Pati Patni aur Woh, where childless star couples parents to little babies. Before we embark on this unusual romp, let’s repeat the question: what do actors who no longer act do? Make fools of themselves. Nothing could be more foolish than Apurva Agnihotri wearing a pregnancy contraption for wife Shilpa who cannot carry ‘the baby’ because she has a bad toe... sorry, back. Nothing could be more foolish than the women who treat the babies like plastic dolls pulling them this way and that, or bouncing them up and down like rubber balls and then wondering why they cry.

There have been outraged calls for the show to be withdrawn and the children returned to their lawful, loving parents instead of being left to the ignorant mercies of five childless couples:. For once, we have to agree: Rakhi Sawant is injurious to health — ours. She should have gracefully disappeared from sight after her swayamvara with or without her Swayamvar, Elesh. Instead, they reappear to bring up baby. More like bringing up ‘father’ and mommie dearest too. The other contestants, Sachin and Juhi, Mouni and Gaurav, Debina and Gurmeet behave like children playing housie-housie (remember how we did that?). They need to grow up. Fast.

Rakhi’s problem is that she tries too hard. From searching for the wife inside of her, she’s moved on to searching for the maternal instinct somewhere in there. In both instances, she’s not convincing. As for Elesh, he’s stony-faced and looks like he would rather be far away, preferably in Canada, than left holding Rakhi and the baby. Is the honeymoon over?

Rakhi’s mother was been inspired by her daughter’s success at reality TV. She was the unlikeliest participant in season 3 of Bigg Boss (Colors). The others are music composer Ismail Darbar, actors Poonam Dhillon, Kamaal R. Khan, comedian Raju Shrivastava, big sister Shilpa Shetty’s younger sister Shamita, Dara Singh’s son Vindoo Dara Singh, model Aditi Govitrikar, cross-dressing designer Rohit Verma, non-Hindi speaking German actress Claudia Ciesta, dancer Sherlyn Chopra, couple Bakhtiyar Irani and Tanaaz Currim — who like Govitrikar have left a young child at home. Do we hear loud protests?

Would you watch this bunch for 84 days? There’s a certain lack of oomph in this year’s line-up but then Rahul Mahajan was not exactly pin-up material and he was the star of last season, so there. One thing’s for sure: there are the Bigg Boss participants and then there’s the Big B. If Sunday’s opening is anything to go by, Amitabh Bachchan will steal the show. Each contestant paid him reverential compliments; Jaya Sawant called him her ‘bhagvan’, Shrivastava dived for his feet, Dhillon remembered being in his arms, Vindoo remembered playing TT with him, Khan accepted the offer only because of him... It was more about Big B than them. Bachchan being Bachchan, tried to elevate the proceedings by quoting gravely from Kabhi Kabhi and asking them existential questions when all they probably wanted to know was the identity of their fellow prisoners!