Splitsvilla
Saturday, 7.00 pm, MTV
Twenty girls vying for the attention and love of two boys in a scenic and secluded rest house, over a few weeks - on the face of it - makes for a rocking idea for a reality show. All the girls who fail to turn the dimples of the guys a shade pink at every arranged sighting, get the axe, often quite unceremoniously. This one too, touted as another ‘first of its kind’ by its makers and telecasting channel promises an engaging war for love. Sadly, it’s yet to exploit that killer edge, with the drama once again depending more on rudeness of the jealous kind for its narrative kicks.
For starters, the centre of attraction - ex-roadies Vishal and Varun - though cute, seem quite stiff and shy. Their conduct is anything but that of an Adonis-in-waiting, to kill for on national TV. No wonder, the love games of most of the girls seem more planned than spontaneous with some clearly looking disinterested. A show exploiting real love stories can be a rage in the reality genre - (it has worked on desi TV before - remember the Aryan Vaid-Anupama Verma track on Bigg Boss) - but if only the players let out that animal aggression as seen in such shows abroad.
The boys seem more comfortable opinionating before the camera (for God’s sake this one’s not a talk show) as if on a panel discussion on human psychology, rather than go out and about in the mating game. So the driver moves in the love game, as of now are dependent on the antics of a few eager females, who I think are driven more by the professional carrot on dangle - Rs 5 lakh prize money and the offer to host a show - rather than the boys. Even the elimination processes (the first one came too soon and sans any credible logic) are heavily skewed towards the interpersonal dynamics of the girls (why?) than the mind games of the boys, who seem to be more in the mood for some fun than seeking true love, though I would prefer to be wronged on that, as the show progresses.
Yet, the show has its moments, especially in the catty asides and fights that promise to get wilder and ruder (rudeness defines the edge in the drama here too - be it monopolising the best room or the best boy) as the pressure to fall in love (!!!) mounts. The boys could make their personality felt by putting all that tashan into getting the show its much needed ‘romantic connect’ beyond just making that nonchalant statement - ‘We are dumping you’ - to the unsuspecting birdies, whose prime wail on eviction seems to be more about losing out on a fully paid holiday, to love.
Verdict:
A star each for the concept, the gutsy girls and their googlies driving the drama in a show that ironically was all about hosting an unattainable male fantasy. How about turning the tables the next time around in a sequel with 20 guys trying to woo two girls?

Dadagiri Beat The Bullies
Monday-Thursday, 7.30pm, Bindass
By the looks, it should grab the title of the rudest reality show! But it misses out by more than a whisker for its blatantly obvious scripted efforts at living up to the image. Touted as TV’s meanest game show - it however ends up being the stupidest reality joke ever. Meanness isn’t a scripted virtue unless you are talking about weird looking ladies with weirder dialogues and do’s prowling around in the primetime soaps with some screeching music, zooms and other visual props to effect. Incidentally, the show’s ‘supposedly’ nastiest mean master, Esha the Goddess, strongly reminds one of a horribly gone wrong mix between one of Ekta Kapoor’s many vamps and Rekha’s atrocious Madam X act. She even wields a whip for effect a la a circus ringmaster (circus owners should bill the show on copyright issues for stealing their stage designs for its sets). Alas! Her intended victims are no tigers, but meek and obedient mama’s boys and girls who take to the stupid insults as their birthright.
And, if that wasn’t enough, there’s a bully ‘bhai,’ Vishal, who seems to be suffering from a serious addiction for pose. Even when talking or reviewing assignments he’s busy pleasing the camera - the fake anger and bravado included. As regards the questions of the show’s ‘intellectual terror,’ Shravan - an adult spillover from Archie’s Riverdale - they strongly boast of a Paanchvi Paas... hangover. Finally, there’s also a wannabe Bobby Darling called Juicy, who gets the honour to push the evicted contestants into a bowl full of weird concoctions made by him/her… whatever!
Though I could go on, I think enough reasons have been given for its titular claim to being the most unintelligent joke on TV. Even the contestants seem to have seen through the ‘posed-to-effect’ threats, by just not reacting to any of the supposed bullying or tongue-lashing. How can the show’s proposed meanness translate to the audience if its intended victims aren’t affected for starters? If garrulous empty threats make for your idea of meanness, this could be the one for you. Check out a Balaji soap instead - you will even discover some method to the madness there. Neena Gupta’s Kamzor Kadi Kaun still remains the meanest game show till date on Indian TV.
Verdict:
The lone star is for some of the occasional ingenuous physical challenges that don’t reek of a Fear Factor inspiration.

Get Gorgeous 5
Friday, 7.30pm, Channel V
Here comes another season of Channel V’s reality show that promises a short cut to fame for VJ-model aspirants and the likes. However, to make that short cut not so smooth, you have a bunch of judges - guest and permanent - to pep up the show’s rudeness quotient through their caustic reality appraisals. Rude TV, ever since the success of the warring Sa Re Ga Ma Pa and Indian Idol judges has become a preferred route for many a wannabe celebrity out to make his/her mark through telly judging. No exceptions here either with the judges sparing no words or emotion to egg the singed dreams and hurt egos of the contestants to give their best. At the receiving end are a bunch of girls divided into two groups, each headed by a lady with some glamour connect (in this case Gauhar Khan and Diandra Soares) grooming them on camera in the Channel V finishing school. On test are some ‘tough’ challenges like walking right, talking sense, oozing oomph and of course looking great with the right mix of props and camera poise. After all it’s all about getting gorgeous! Occasional girly bitching (read rudeness) is amply thrown in to spice-up the drama.
Verdict:
If caustic judge comments define your entertainment attract in a reality show, this one won’t disappoint.