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Split screen
When Bollywood went to Vilayat
When the International Indian Film Awards announced themselves as the
Indian Oscars we should have known what was in store. Our desi Tom Cruises
and Julia Roberts sauntered into London’s Millennium Dome as we watched
them live on Sony’s rapidly rising Max channel.
The mix of Oriental masala and Hollywood chic didn’t really work
on stage. What was the point of sending J.P. Dutta on stage with pop star
Kylie Minogue? Did he know who she was? And did she?? JP later laughed
and confessed to me that he indeed didn’t know who Kylie was when
he went up to stage with her. Kylie giggled as JP spoke seriously on Indian
cinema. He didn’t giggle back when she got on stage to do her sizzling
dance number.
"Only then did I realize how big a star she was," JP chortled.
But the odd couples on stage just kept pouring in. What can be odder than
David Dhawan and Miranda Richardson? The two looked as well matched on
stage as Shatrughan Sinha and Priya Rajvansh. When Thora Birch (the brilliant
teenager who played Kevin Spacey’s daughter in American Beauty) sauntered
on stage with Karan Johar, co-emcee Anupam Kher (who was strangely out
of sorts) introduced Johar with superlatives while Birch was just mentioned
as a name.
| Akshay
Kumar giving away an award to his transparently delighted idol Jackie Chan was also a historic occasion. The two of them looked so well matched on stage |
Anupam should have done thora research before coming on stage, no? At
least Raveena Tandon (who danced to Lou Bega’s hit as though at gunpoint)
could see the lighter side of Hollywood luminaries being ignored and slighted.
When she came on stage with Susannah York she made it a point to tell
the British actress that she had seen and loved her in the film They Shoot
Horses, Don’t They? Susannah returned her compliment by telling Raveena
she had seen and liked her in School. "It’s Shool," Raveena
stage whispered. They haven’t coached her well. That I thought was
the funniest line in what was otherwise a tediously repetitive overlong
and self-congratulatory awards pageant.
There were high points: Sunil Dutt’s heart-warming speech after he
received the lifetime achievement award, Lata Mangeshkar’s shy confession
that she had lasted so long only because listeners have liked her and
composers gave her good songs to sing.
Akshay Kumar giving away an award to his transparently delighted idol
Jackie Chan was also a historic occasion. The two of them looked so well
matched on stage. Someone should immediately cast them together in a film.
Jackie in fact urged the producers directors present that evening to cast
him in a Hindi film. "I’m not expensive," he lisped cutely.
Backstage he told the breathy emcee (whose dress code and interviewing
acumen needed immediate attention) that he had seen Akshay on screen and
liked what he saw.
There was so much talent from India and Hollywood. And what did the International
Indian Film Awards do with them? Turn them into a saturated razzmatazz.
Why did Sanjay Dutt go all the way to London and do the same thing that
he probably would have done at film awards in Mumbai? It was like buying
khadi from Marks & Spencers. Akshay Kumar’s martial arts item
with the Chinese monks was a treat. But about the other stars and their
trademark thumkas, the less said the better.
The latest Star Bestseller, Dil Se directed by Anil Ghosh, was an interestingly
plotted whodunit where A.R.Rahman’s song from Mani Rathnam’s
Dil Se served as a leading clue in solving the murder mystery. The song
Chaiyyan chaiyyan snagged on the murder victim’s wife Tisca Arora’s
tape-recorder (no aspersions cast on the quality of tapes being supplied
by music companies, I hope?). And guess what? The two cops on duty found
Chaiyyan chaiyyan playing with the same snagged sound at the suspected
murderer’s home! Sukhwindara thereby went from being a playback to
payback singer within 50 minutes flat.
The building opposite had earlier been seen on Zee’s Suspense Hour
about a year back. I don’t know if this was just co-incidental or
a conscious repetition. But I guess suspense writers on television are
running out of tricks.
Sahara’s Kagaar last week was at least more original. This tightly
plotted suspense thriller was shot in a bungalow we hadn’t seen before.
The spiralling staircase, the gleaming rooms and the upperclass ambience
were used to create spatial harmony. Pavan Malhotra was brilliantly devious,
as he plotted to get rid of his murdered partner’s body which he
had stashed away in his bedroom cupboard. The quicksilver decisions and
the heart-in-the-mouth suspense prompted the antagonist’s partner-in-crime
to exclaim, "Seth, tumhara yeh nautanki company superhit hai".
Zee News’ prime time reserves Friday nights for movie-related stories.
The lady newsreader informed us with a straight face that Tarkieb was
directed by Ismail Merchant. By the time she corrected herself I had time
to seek out a common ground between Ismail Merchant and Eshmayeel Shroff.
They both shot their films In Custody and Tarkieb respectively in Bhopal.
Thank you, Zee News for making such a constructive faux pas.
If women complain about being treated as decorative dolls on the visual
medium, then they must blame their own kind for this gender difference.
On Zee’s Closeup Antakshari the women are invariably the sleeping
partners while the men do all the singing. At least they try to. Last
week Vinod Rathod lost points when he tried valiantly to remember the
words for Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho prompting his rival Roshan Abbas
to quip, "Vinod number tum khoye jaa rahe ho." Look who was
talking. Abbas who has hosted music shows on television seemed completely
at a loss in the Antakshari.
Strangely, Kumar Sanu was partnered by music director Usha Khanna who
couldn’t recall too many songs in spite of being a part of the film
music business for more than 40 years. Sanu and Usha hugged after he scored
points for them. She should first learn the words of Aaja re pardesi before
demanding a hug.
Subhash K Jha